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| Jokes Page 2 |
***Warning***
Some images and content for mature audiences only!
Please proceed with caution and of your own free will!
You have been warned!
40 Things You May Not Know.
1. Money isn't made out of paper; it's made out of cotton.
2. The 57 on Heinz ketchup bottle represents the varieties of pickle the company once had.
3. Your stomach produces a new layer of mucus every two weeks - otherwise it will digest itself (eeww).
4. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.
5. The dot over the letter 'i' is called a "tittle".
6. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
7. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.
8. A duck's quack doesn't echo ... no one knows why.
9. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
10. Every person has a unique tongue print (no licking at the scene of a crime!).
11. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
12. The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor who had red eyes. He was albino.
13. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.
14. During the chariot scene in 'Ben Hur' a small red car can be seen in the distance.
15. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.
16. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small sized dog.
17. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.
18. Most lipstick contains fish scales (eeww).
19. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
20. Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.
21. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower' because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the 'upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.
22. Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time ( ... and multi-tasking was invented).
23. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
24. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
25. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan, there was never a recorded Wendy before!
26. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver!
27. Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.
28. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
29. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" was a Captain Kirk mask painted white.
30. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have
$1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar ( ... good to know ... ).
31. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand (and you thought this list was completly useless).
32. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb (sign of a true civilized society ... not).
33. American Airlines saved $40,000 in '87 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first class.
34. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.
35. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It's the same with apples! (guess what I'm buying on my next trip to the grocery store!)
36. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!
37. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
38. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
39. Back in the mid to late 80's, an IBM compatible computer wasn't considered a hundred percent compatible unless it could run Microsoft's Flight Simulator game.
40. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages them (families taking long car rides should adopt this same policy).
Hey!! Anybody remember Wonder Woman. She's finally come out of retirement, although we beleive she may need a bit of working out to do. My wife sent me this one...thanks babe:P
Check her out here!
And you thought smoking was hard to quit!
This is good:)
The Newlyweds...
Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at the maturity of 12-year-old.
He stated that it was OK because he loved her soooo much. However, Jim felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he also had deformity too. Jim looked Sandy in the eyes and said....."I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and hope you could deal with that once we are married."
She said, "Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size penis."
Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait for the Honeymoon.
Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, holding one another...As Sandy put her hands in Jim's pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room!
Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong.
She said, "You told me your penis was the size of an infant!"
"Yes it is..... 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!!"
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I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.
George Carlin
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I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.
George Carlin
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