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| Jokes Page 3 |
***Warning***
Some images and content for mature audiences only!
Please proceed with caution and of your own free will!
You have been warned!
It takes a Mexican Man to make a Woman feel like
Woman............
On a recent flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up at the front of everyone.
"Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?" For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stared, riveted, at the desperate woman at the front of the plane.
Then a Mexican man stands up at the rear of the plane. He is gorgeous: tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt..... one button at a time. No one moves. .......
He removes his shirt. .......
Muscles ripple across his chest. ......
She gasps..........
He whispers: ........
"Iron this, and get me something to eat...."
Little Red Riding Hood
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road
when she sees a big bad wolf crouched down behind a log.
"My, what big eyes you have, Mr.Wolf."
The wolf jumps up and runs away.
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the
wolf again and this time he is crouched behind a bush.
"My what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf."
Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.
About two miles down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees
the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock.
"My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf."
With that the wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you knock it off,
I'm trying to poop!"
NASA
When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a
Navajo reservation in the Arizona desert for training.
One day a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew walking among
the rocks. The elder, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question which his son
translated for the NASA people: "What are these guys in the big suits
doing?"
One of the astronauts replied that they were practicing for a trip to the
moon. When his son relayed that information to the old Navajo, he got very
excited and asked if it would be possible for the astronauts to deliver a
message from him to the moon.
Recognizing a promotional opportunity when he saw one, a NASA official who
had been accompanying the astronauts said he would be delighted to do so and
told one of his underlings to fetch a tape recorder. The recorder was set
up and the microphone was handed to the old man. After his comment, which
was surprising short, the NASA official asked the son for a translation of
what his father had said. The son listened carefully to the recording, then
laughed uproariously but declined to translate. Irritated, the NASA people
took the tape to a nearby village and played it for other members of the
tribe. They, too, laughed loud and long but also refused to offer a
translation.
Finally, an official government translator was summoned to listen to the
elder's recorded words. After he, too, had a good laugh, he finally shared
the old man's words: "Watch out for these assholes. They have come to
steal your land."
Beware of Shadows
Halloween Pet Costumes
These were sent to me by my sister. They're pretty funny:P
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A Fisherman's Letter To Dear Abbey
Dear Abby,
After I retired, I could really spend some time enjoying my favorite pastime -- bass fishing. I got my own little fishing boat and tried to get my wife to join me, but she just never liked fishing.
Finally, one day at the Bait & Tackle Shop, I got to talking to Sam the shop owner who it turned out loves bass fishing as much as I do. We quickly became fishing buddies. As I said the wife doesn't care about fishing she not only refuses to join us she always complains that I spend too much time fishing.
A few weeks ago we had the best fishing trip ever. Not only did I catch the most beautiful bass you've ever seen, only a few minutes later Sam must have caught his twin brother! So I took a picture of Sam holding up the two nice bass that we caught and showed the picture to the wife hoping that maybe she'd get interested. Instead she says she doesn't want me to go fishing at all anymore!!
And she wants me to sell the boat!
I think she just doesn't like to see me enjoying myself.
What would you do? Tell the wife to forget it and continue my hobby or quit fishing and sell the boat as she insists?
Thanks, A fisherman
PS I have enclosed the picture of Sam showing off the bass we caught.
My Friend Sam
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
George Carlin
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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
George Carlin
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